So, I wrote a tune while on tour this summer! We were in Middletown, NY for about 4 days and I happened to have a few moments of downtime. I found myself standing in the sanctuary of the lovely old church where we were hosted, sifting through some thoughts that had been percolating. Amidst the time-worn pews, I was working out the kinks of lyrics and melody, yet, there was something much deeper being worked out within my heart.
You see, the week before I went to join the Extreme Tour, I felt pretty anxious. I felt uncertain. I felt overwhelmed. I felt unqualified. And this “feeling” was all too familiar and seriously frustrating. I thought I was “over” that insecure, unsure, fearful phase of my life. Wasn’t I?
Just when I’m finding myself standing a little taller,
with my feet more firmly planted,
rooted a little deeper in the truth of who I have been made to be,
when I’m laughing a bit more freely,
loving more open-heartedly,
living moments of fearlessness and total abandon,
….things suddenly get a bit shaky.
Why does that doubt creep in? Why do old patterns of thinking try to usurp the new?
Yes, I am human, flawed, prone to wander, and a creature of disheartening habits.
But there is also a killjoy; one who seeks to smother every flicker of light.
It whispers “retreat!” and I almost do.
But in that quiet space in Middletown, NY, I recognized with stunning clarity, this truth:
I have found the light that darkness cannot overcome.
In spite of my own frailty and faltering.
It cannot overcome.
“You have not won”.
P.s. click on link “Dear Killjoy” above to listen to the acoustic live track.