I have spent the last 8 months living in Memphis, Tennessee attending Visible Music College, completing a Certificate in Songwriting. And that is a sentence I never would have imagined ever writing about myself! Isn’t it wild to reflect on how we got to where we are when it is somewhere we never planned on being? I wouldn’t change it for the world. But it has been challenging, let me tell you. Growth always is though, isn’t it? It looks easy for a plant to sprout up through the dirt but have you ever stopped to think about the amount of energy needed to push up from the dark earth through the layers of mess to emerge into the light of day?
I suddenly have empathy for the the flowers.
This past year has been about music, yes, and about honing skills and learning concepts about songwriting and the music business, however, it has been about so much more.
Like the flowers in spring, God has beckoned me to push through the messy dirt that I have been living under and to come out to the sunny side to bloom. Things that have been dormant are coming to life. The dirt is now below my feet rather than piled on my shoulders, though the further I step in faith, the more I need to keep shaking off the fragments of anxiety, worry and doubt that I let accumulate. Time to leave the dirt, the mess, the dark places.
It’s time to bloom.
But the warm, comfortable dirt of negativity, poor self-perception, and trusting in my own understanding are all I’ve known. (I’m getting tired of writing about it, and you might be getting tired of reading about it LOL)
I was reminded of the story of Moses today. It’s one that I have read many times and it resonated with me years ago. You see, God chose Moses to lead his people out of captivity in Egypt. Moses had the right response in saying, “Here I am, Lord!” and wanted to join in what God had planned. However, almost in the same breath, Moses said “Oh my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue” (Exodus 4:10). Can you imagine? The God of the universe calls your name, tells you he’s chosen you to embark on a journey that would shape the course of the world’s history, and you say to him “Ummm…hey God, can’t you hear that I don’t sound so great when I talk in front of people? Maybe you should look elsewhere because I see a discrepancy between what you’re asking of me and what I’m legit capable of. So ya, thanks for the shoutout, but you’re better off choosing someone more capable.”
Yet how often do we do the same thing?! I am living in this tension right now. Not that I think I am going to shape the history of the world, but I can see opportunities ahead and some open doors that I need to step through that will require me to stop saying, “But are you sure about this, God? Me, Lord?”.
As a dear friend kindly reminded me…”Don’t you think He knows all about you?”
All the things that we think are shortcomings, the flaws we see, the ways we are not “the best” …..HE KNOWS! He says back to Moses in Exodus 4:11 “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
This has been underlined in my Bible for quite a few years now, and I STILL need to go back and be reminded of this story whenever new opportunities come up that stretch me beyond what I’m capable of.
I think God was asking Moses to grow and “bloom” too. All his life experiences had prepared him, and, God was going to fill in the gaps exactly where He needed to and where He knew He needed to. Moses was not in it alone!
Whether it’s stepping into a new job, risking it with sharing a hidden talent or skill, starting a family, or maybe opening your heart to love for the first time, you need to know that God knows us inside and out and if he is calling us to do something, nothing about us will surprise him. We can trust him.
Wherever you are today, keep pushing upwards because you are breaking ground and it just might be time for you to bloom, too.